


Make It True

by tomatopudding



Series: My Heart is Too Big to Love Just One of You [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Demisexuality, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I love you just the way you are, Is it still considered non-con if someone is trying to force themselves?, M/M, Multi, Past Rape/Non-con, Polyamory Negotiations, Rape/Non-con Elements, Relationship Negotiation, Threesome - F/M/M, demisexual!John, kind of, sexy times cut short, understanding!Eliza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 01:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6545542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomatopudding/pseuds/tomatopudding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Laurens is demisexual. He knows that his partners understand this and respect his boundaries, but he can't help but think that they might want more from him some day. So John decides to take matters into his own hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make It True

**Author's Note:**

> I know we usually post earlier on Wednesdays, but I've been away on a field exercise for my masters course. Anyway here it is, a little late bit still on Wednesday

It had been a particularly cold winter in the north eastern part of the country. A bitter wind was blowing, swirling and mingling fresh snow with what had already fallen. The cold didn't even come close to penetrating the apartment near the Columbia campus. John, Alex, and Eliza had taken over the front room, the electric fireplace blazing and making the room comfortably warm. Alex and John were seated on either side of the couch with Eliza stretched between them. She had her head in Alex’s lap and John was gently massaging her feet were they rested in his. Both men had their feet propped on the coffee table and Alex’s toes were casually pressed against John’s knee.

 

John let the comfortable atmosphere and the hum of his partners’ conversation wash over him as he retreated into his thoughts.

 

He had been thinking about it for some time now and it has steadily mutated and grown into this _thing_ that always lived in the back of his mind. He didn't mean for it to become a _thing_ , but it had grown of its own volition and now it was thoroughly distracting.

 

John waited for a convenient lull in the conversation to finally get the _thing_ off of his chest.

 

“I want to have sex with Eliza.”

 

He felt his partners freeze.

 

“I asked what you wanted for dinner,” Alex said, “but okay, that works too.”

 

Eliza sat up, pulling her feet from John’s lap so she could sit cross-legged.

 

“Why?” she asked before continuing in a gentle tone, “Not that I'm against it, but we need to discuss it first.”

 

John shrugged, looking down at his hands resting on his thighs. Eliza rested one of her hands on top of his.

 

“Would you please look at me, cookie?”

 

He raised his head, catching Eliza’s dark eyes with his own.

 

“Is this something you want to do it something you feel you _should_ do?”

 

John swallowed before softly replying, “I want to.”

 

Eliza rested her free hand against John’s cheek, her gaze searching for something in his. John cupped the back of Eliza’s hand with his own and pulled it away, pressing a kiss to the center of her palm. Eliza gave him a soft smile.

 

“I want to,” John repeated despite the uncomfortable clenching in his stomach.

 

“Okay,” agreed Eliza.

 

Alex’s excited expression came into John’s view as he rested his chin on Eliza’s shoulder.

 

“Now?” he requested, kissing the side of Eliza’s neck, his hands coming up to cup her breasts through her shirt.

 

Eliza laughed and gently pulled away, “Why don't we have some dinner first.”

 

Alex pouted and John couldn't help but chuckle as well while he internally sent infinite thanks to Eliza. Just because he decided to do this did not mean that he was ready at this exact moment.

 

He was tense all throughout dinner and he couldn't tell you what they ate it what they talked about. Eliza must have sensed this and she kept her knee pressed against John’s under the table. Normally, this simple point of contact would have done wonders to calm his nerves, but tonight it wasn't really doing the trick.

 

Sooner than John would have liked, Alex was clearing their dishes away, practically vibrating in anticipation. With John still sitting in his chair, Eliza had to lean down slightly to catch his eyes directly.

 

“Are you sure about this, John?” she asked, “Because you don't have to--”

 

“I'm sure,” John insisted. Maybe if he said t enough times he could make it true.

 

“Do you want it to just be us? Alex can leave.”

 

John shook his head. That was the point of this whole exercise, to show them both that he was equally invested in all interactions of their relationship. Eliza had insisted several times that she was happy with their relationship the way it was, but John knew better. If his previous relationships were anything to go by, she would change her mind soon enough. He'd had a hard enough time convincing himself that Alex wouldn't have minded of his asexuality hadn't turned out to be less “a” and more “demi.” As sweet as Eliza was, it couldn't be possible that she would be content. John’s greatest fear was that Eliza would realize that having all of Alex’s romantic and sexual connection would be much better than having to share the affections the man she loved with someone who couldn't even bring himself to touch her intimately. It would be better to force himself to do something he didn't really enjoy and wasn't particularly interested in and keep both of the people who made him feel so loved.

 

John snapped out of his thoughts when he felt Eliza tugging him to his feet.

 

“Lost you for a minute there,” she chuckled, “Back with us?”

 

John smiled shakily, “Yes, sorry.”

 

“You left me all on my own to convince Alex to wait until he got to the bedroom to start stripping.”

 

“I don't think Herc and Laf would appreciate that,” John mused.

 

Eliza giggled, swinging their intertwined hands slightly, “Nope.”

 

He almost forgot the goal of the evening until they entered the bedroom. Alex was stripped down to his boxers and sitting on the edge of their large bed.

 

“Someone's eager,” teased Eliza, releasing John’s hand in order to stride over to Alex.

 

“How could I not be?” he replied, tilting his head up to accept her kiss.

 

That rhetorical question convinced John even more that he was making the right decision. Alex had never pushed even back when John still considered himself asexual, but it was obvious that this was something Alex wanted.

 

“John, get out of your head.”

 

Eliza’s gently touch brought him back to the moment yet again. She was standing in front of him, her lips reddened from Alex’s ministrations; he liked to use his teeth. They held a brief moment of eye contact before John leaned down slightly to meet her lips with his own. Kissing was known and comfortable territory; John liked kissing. His kisses with Eliza usually remained chaste, but he allowed it to deepen. It was lovely, the way her lips felt against his and the solid movement of her tongue. John had noticed a discordance between Alex and Eliza’s daily presence and the way they kissed. Eliza was sweet and nice and rarely ever got angry unless there was good reason, but when she kissed she took over, controlling but with a gentle touch. Conversely, Alex’s brashness completely melted away and he submitted to his partner’s wishes.

 

Eliza sucked lightly on John’s lower lip as they parted, her eyes catching and holding his when they stepped back. She began to undress, allowing her skirt to fall to the floor before beginning to unbutton her top. John swallowed as her skin became slowly exposed, willing his body to have some kind of reaction. Objectively, he found Eliza to be attractive. Her beauty did often take his breath away, but that was where it ended.

 

Eliza reached behind herself to unhook the dark blue bra to free her breasts. Alex had made his way around while Eliza was undressing and pressed himself against John’s side, one hand sliding under the waistband of John’s jeans to rest against his bare hip. Alex’s other hand snaked under John’s t-shirt to press lightly against his stomach, thumb running in a slow back and forth sweep.

 

“Isn't she gorgeous?” Alex asked, resting his cheek against John’s shoulder.

 

“Yes,” John replied truthfully.

 

Eliza stepped forward and took John’s hand, the one that wasn't currently being pinned by Alex’s warm body, and placed it gently on her breast. She let out a small huff when his hand found her skin and Alex gave an involuntary thrust against John’s thigh. And John...John felt nothing. Eliza’s breast was soft and fit perfectly in his hand. It wasn't unpleasant, but there was nothing overly pleasant about it either. He was determined to continue and gave the flesh in his hands a small squeeze, drawing a light whimper from Eliza.

 

“She likes that,” Alex murmured, pressing his lips to John’s jaw line, “Very sensitive nipples.”

 

Taking that as instruction, John gently rubbed his thumb over Eliza’s nipple and she hummed in approval, arching into the touch. Alex deftly began one-handedly undoing the button and zipper before sliding John’s jeans and boxers down his hips. His hand was dislodged from Eliza’s breast as she pulled his t-shirt off. Alex hooked his hand around the back of John’s neck to pull him down into a heated kiss, pressing their bodies close together. John’s cock was finally showing some interest in the proceedings and began hardening where it pressed against Alex’s other hand. Alex grinned into the kiss and wrapped his hand around John’s dick, stroking slowly.

 

“We should move to the bed,” Eliza suggested, gently brushing her fingers along John’s chest and stomach.

 

John soon found himself spread in the bed with his partners on either side of him.

 

John pushed down the twisting dread in his stomach. He wanted to do this. He needed to do it for them, because it would make them happy which would make _him_ happy. He needed to do this even if it meant sacrificing his own comfort. If John had been anyone else, the transition would have been seamless--one person’s hand on the upstroke and another’s on the down--but John wasn't anyone else, he was himself. As much as he tried to think of Alex, because Alex never failed to turn him on, the hand was wrong. Fingers too narrow and too delicate, nails longer instead of bitten down, moisturizer--Eliza’s hand. He loved Eliza with all the parts of his soul that didn't already love Alex and he trusted and respected her implicitly. But. None of that stopped his brain from rebelling and echoing _no no no_.

 

“John?”

 

His cock was softening in her grasp and he tried to will it back to life, the same way her done with previous partners who'd called him a wet blanket or worse when he couldn't perform the way they wanted him to.

 

His world was blurry from the tears in his eyes, Eliza a smudge when she sat back and released him, Alex a darker area in the corner of John’s eyes where he remained mouthing against his neck and collarbone.

 

“John?” she queried again softly and then in the same breath her tone turned sharp, “Alex, stop it.”

 

When Alex pulled away, his pout remained for a mere moment until it changed to a stricken expression when he caught sight of John.

 

“I'm fine, just nervous,” John tried to insist, but the other two were hearing none of it.

 

Alex was murmuring his name and a litany of apologies as he kissed away the tears John hadn't even noticed were rolling freely down his cheeks. Eliza’s touches remained chaste, staying on John’s shoulder and in his hair.

 

John’s protest was muffled by a kiss from Alex, sharp and biting.

 

“You were just going to let us do something you didn't want,” Alex whispered against his lips, “Why would you even think about letting us do that, letting us…”

 

He trailed off and swallowed convulsively, resting his face into the crook of John’s neck and wrapping all four limbs around him like an octopus. The feeling of bare skin against skin was oddly soothing rather than stifling, the fact that Alex’s cock, which rested against John’s hip, was soft and not aroused was a comfort.

 

“I want to find every one of your exes and shred them to pieces,” Eliza said, a growl in her voice, “Forcing you to,” she let out an actual snarl, “raping you like that.”

 

Alex shuddered and held John closer.

 

“It wasn't--” John began.

 

“Did you want to do it?” questioned Eliza, “Any of the things they made you do?”

 

“I thought I loved them,” John tried to reason, “Of course I--”

 

“John.”

 

The tone of Alex’s voice was too much and John let out a shaky breath as he shook his head.

 

“Tear them to shreds,” Eliza reiterated forcefully, curling her body around John’s.

 

Even the press of her breasts against his bicep was a comfort--more so than any pair of breasts had ever been to him--wrapped as he was in a cage of eight limbs.

 

“I don't care if you never want to have sex with me,” Eliza murmured, her voice seeming loud in the cocoon the three of them had created with their bodies.

 

“I want you just as you are,” she continued, “You're not broken, you don't need _fixing_ ,” she said the last word like a particularly nasty curse, “You, John Laurens, are perfect.”

 

“Perfect,” Alex echoed reverently.

 

Maybe if they said it enough, they could make it true.

**Author's Note:**

> I am asexual and although I have (thankfully) not had the past experiences that John has, this is definitely something that worries and concerns me about being in a relationship.


End file.
